It hurts a little too much

Feeling completely numb. In the state of melancholy. The mind cannot focus. It's all coming to an end or shall I say, it already has. I know that, as I sit here and cry, I will not get anywhere but it's normal for me to do that, right? I don't know how long I'll be in this state for and feel this way but it hurts. People don't take it seriously when you say you're hurt because being hurt can feel as if you got a paper cut or burned your finger. But this hurt, this pain, it's real, I can feel it all over my body and especially in my heart.

I never understood when people say they're heart broken and how it felt. I always questioned whether it was really that bad and hurt that much. Now....I know. I need to accept the fact that this is the end, there's no turning back, no 'what ifs', no hope, nothing. It's all done and I fucking hate it. I don't blame anyone else but myself because I am the reason for all of this in the first place. I know I have to stop blaming myself and keep my head up high but people are going to have to let me be. I'm stubborn and I know it, just let me be. I don't know how long it'll take for me to recover and heal but the process will be one hell of a bitch. Knowing myself, I can put up a front and hold up the lie when I'm with others, to show that I am 'okay' but I know that once I close my room door, I will be a complete mess. I won't be able to hold up that lie anymore. I've always told myself that I'm strong and that I'll never let anything or anyone bring me down but I guess I was wrong.

There's one thing that I'm scared to admit and scared to believe because it will just make things harder. Regardless of how scared I am to admit and/or believe it, it's the truth because I truly feel that I have once again fallen in love with someone that I can't have. And I once again have to face the reality of it.