Bad habits

Recently, I've developed some really bad habits or shall I say side effects. Never was I ever like this, well maybe occasionally if I was really nervous before a big performance when I was a kid because when you have to perform in front of about, let's say 100 people, it gives you the worst butterflies in your stomach and makes you, at least me all antsy. But this is different. I realize that lately I've been feeling like this more than often, it seems to occur almost every other day or so. The anxiety or panic attacks hits me very often now and sometimes...out of no where. My entire body would just shake or my heart would beat so fast to the point where I'm short of breath. My friend once told me that I look like I was having a seizure. Not only would my body or certain parts of my body would shake or jitter, I would get really antsy at the smallest things now.

It seems like my pessimistic outlook has come back to visit me. I use to be very pessimistic about everything and it really made my life bitter but I slowly learned to be optimistic and worry alot less about everything. I can't explain how great it felt but....that was a long and hard process to get there. But now, its as if I fell right back into my pessimistic hole I was once in and it seems almost impossible to reach the opposite end, the optimistic hole.

With almost every situation I come across now, I'm always thinking of the worst possible outcome and worry what will happen. All those thoughts are probably the reasons that have led me to the uncontrollable panic attacks and anxiety. But I don't know how I can fix it, telling me to not think about things or worry about things won't help at all. If that was to work, I wouldn't be in this state.